ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
