I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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