so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You're like the curious george of whores
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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