dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize