Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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