If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
