i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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