im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize