Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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