i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize