i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
