Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
