it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
