OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
