Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
