i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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