Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
