I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
