That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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