i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
