I'm eating all of the evidence.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
