i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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