I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
