its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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