I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
