She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
