My liver just broke up with me...
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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