you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
