your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
