Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
