I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
