We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
