I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
There are leaves in my underwear?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
