I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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