I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
