just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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