he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
