rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You made out with two different species that night
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
