tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize