im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
