Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
