Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
