You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
