He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
