Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
