How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Tell her she can't have a vagina
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
