Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
