Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
