she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
