Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
