I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
