i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
