it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
