Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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