weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
