Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
