Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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