It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
