you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Randomize