I'm so fucking centered right now
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
