Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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