he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
