so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
