Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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