flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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