i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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